Boyce Avenue - Fireworks (composed by Katy Perry)
why can't just I get something right?
Went jogging today... Halfway, cannot make it alrdy. Start, stop, start, stop. Damn unfit sia. Then halfway reached Rail-Mall.. then went in the Cold Storage and came out with 1 bottle of mango flavored Snapple and 1 packet of Ruffles. Then sat down with Lin by the drain and watch the traffic and the sky while munching the Ruffles and finishing up the drink, somewhat like some fricking beggars by the side of the road. Damn slack la, Chin ups are still hopeless for me.. moving on to other stuffs....
"right... right... right... WRONG!"
Ever had that happening? Haha. You do something, or say something... that appears so correct, so well planned.. then all of a sudden on the last stretch, something/someone shouted out, WRONG!!! *Screeeeechhhhes*
I'm too sensitive... ahh. Help. Help in-sensitize me... I'm too immature... help me mature! Haha. I think I'm going nuts. I tried too hard sometimes... but please put up with me. =]
I wish I could be perfect... but nah, I could never be. Piang eh, what kind of attitude is that, Gab...?
"You can get it if you really want, you can get it if you really want, you can get it if you really want, but you must try... try and try... try and try... you succeed at last!" -- Jimmy Cliff
difficult day...
Missed yet another lecture. Ahhh, what's happening to me?
9+ to 5+ in the project lab.
Woo-la-la... I'm trying to wrap up the programming of the FYP in 1 single day! (Is that right? Haha.) Feeling rather braindead now... though I still harbour hopes of finishing up the programming today, but it seems abit too far for me right now.
Nevertheless, I shall try! Never give up, Never surrender! Haha.
Saw MX on my way home... she looked kinda different with long hair... Haha. Managed to catch a glance and picked up my courage and waved a Hello at her. Finally, not avoiding anymore, well done, Gab! Haha. I'm such a loser... alright la, thats all folks!
"I put my trust in you, no matter what..."
Endless Euphoria
Hello people...
I dunno how to put this across as I dunwant too many people to know what happened. So I will just say I'm
extremely happy with things in my life nowadays. I'm going about everyday thinking that I'm living a dream... Haha... but I was just told by someone that it wasn't a dream! So... haha, to that someone, thank you!
"Discovery of the day: I speak incoherently when I'm extremely happy."
Again and again
"Life is full of surprises." Whoever was the first to mutter this out under his/her breath is a bloody genius!
Haha. I'm typing this devoid of feelings at the moments. Not devoid of colours though! Haha. I am daft, and you guys knew it. (And no one bothered to tell me! Good people you sure are... Haha)
Some things in life, when forced through, could have good results and bad results. Some results would leave you dunno whether to laugh or cry. Perhaps I'm just sandwiched in between.
I'm speaking so vaguely that I wondered if anyone of you actually knew what I am talking about. Then again, I dun feel anything, so who cares? Haha. Alright. Enough, all of you get back to the life you came from (which should and ought to be much more interesting than mine) and stop wasting your time here reading this crap. Begone!
"Want you to love me... Want you to be... the Heavens above me... Eternally..." --- Background vocals from Robbie's Tripping
How am I feeling. How are you feeling. How are we feeling? I wanna know.
Definition of
lovesick from
www.dictionary.com :
adj.
1. So deeply affected by love as to be unable to act normally.
2. Exhibiting a lover's yearning.
3. Languishing because of love; "strong men behaving like lovesick boys"
Definition of
melancholy from
www.dictionary.com :
noun.
1. Sadness or depression of the spirits; gloom: “There is melancholy in the wind and sorrow in the grass” (Charles Kuralt).
2. Pensive reflection or contemplation.
3. (Archaic.) Black bile.
4. (Archaic.) An emotional state characterized by sullenness and outbreaks of violent anger, believed to arise from black bile.
adj.
1. Affected with or marked by depression of the spirits
2. Tending to promote sadness or gloom: a letter with some melancholy news.
3. Pensive; thoughtful.
I must have excess black bile secreted inside me! HA! woh woh woh...
"If loving you was a crime, then I will be spending the rest of my life in jail"
I feel weird.
It was actually just an alright day. But it just went awry when I came home sat by my computer like I do everyday, and my mum just peered in to view what I was playing. I just couldn't stand her curious stare and I just exploded. A tiff ensued and once again I was in the wrong. I will always be in the wrong when it involves mum. As I spent a few hours in my room in isolation... my Mum just continued screaming at me.. saying I nvr been this, I nvr been that and that 3 yrs of poly studies has changed me alot.
Change I did I guess. So does everyone. But I think I really grown to be apart far apart from everyone. Apart from friends. Apart from my classmates. Apart from my parents.
I dun want it to be this way, but I dunno how to change. I dun like people to be so deliberate in finding out what I am doing, but at the same time, I dun want to project an impression to others that I am stuck-up and withdrawn from the world. I dunno la. I feel like such a outcast.
Bye.
"The Prophecy is coming true. I dunwant my life to be panned out the way it was predicted! NO!!! I wanna be in control of my life... I dunwant to spun around by the webs of Fate."
In the end...
I'm putting my hands clasped together in the hope that I will be guided through slowly and softly. I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Let's just hope it's not a false dawn. I know where I stand. I will bow out gracefully.
"... it doesn't even matter."
Miserable.
BANG! Sunday Afternoon! And I'm at home typing this post!
Just came back from lunch. Alone. Another typical moody day. Where's the spark in my life? I'm so far apart from those who are close to me that I don't even know where I belonged anymore.
I just dawned upon another fantasy of mine, and that is... to stay at home 24/7! Haha. I dunwant to see anyone. I dunwant to go out. I dunwant to be bothered with school, projects and other stuffs. I just wanna be home, safe from the rain, problems, Sun, and just about everything else.
I just dunno what else I could do to feel better. I'm refusing to leave the house since soccer outing yesterday. Friends asked me to go pool today, I turn down. Dad asked me to go for breakfast in the morning.. at first I said yes.. later I said "No, I need a rest". I just wanna be left alone, yet I want to be with somebody. I'm afraid I will go all bonkers.
I feel like the homeless. Unwanted. Unloved. Despised. Maybe I just want myself to think that way.
I bought Ruffles chips, M&M peanuts & a bottle of MUG root beer on my way home... I guess the best way for me to get about this stupid dip is to munch my way out. Haha. Looping Akon - Lonely on my computer... it's probably the best way to spend my lazy Sunday afternoon at the moment.
I just hope I won't have to wait long for this bad, bad, down-trodden feeling to pass. I will come back a stronger person. No doubt about it. I just hope that I would be back to my bubbly self soon.
My world just crashed, and I'm picking up the pieces.
"Don't just sit there and look. Give me a hand, would you?"BANG!
Heart over Mind or Mind over Heart? Thats my question to myself.
Normal Days...
Brain: I want you to do this!
Leg: Affirmative.
Brain: I want you to do that!
Hands: Roger that!
So one fine day, Brain needs to work with Heart to work out a decision.
Brain: I think our master need to just give things up.
Heart: No! I think our master should try to hang on to things. And with that, comes hope that things would take a turn for the better.
Brain: According to me, it's more logical to give things up so to move on to better and finer things.
Heart: I refuse!
Brain: You must accept my commands!
Heart: No!
Brain: Yes!
Heart: No! No! No! I'm more emotional, therefore what I control the master to do in the spur of the moment is usually right!
Brain: Nah. I'm more logical and rational, I control the master to execute things planned well in advance and usually with the correct results. Emotions are useless in solving problems.
Heart: Sometimes I work faster than you, I give the master emotions, I give the master strength to carry out things that you would never dare control the master to do.
Brain: With emotions, comes the tendency to commit mistakes...
Meanwhile, as they carry on their bickering...
All other parts of the body (in unison): What are we gonna do? Should we follow Brain or shld we follow Heart?
The End.
Another listless day.
I made it to school on time today. Didn't rush at all even though I left house at 7.30 sharp. Took a different route though. Took the bus behind my block and stopped outside Central and took the train to school. Maybe I should do that everyday. Its a chore walking all the way to the bus stop that has 106, only to squeeze on the bus and stand all the way. Perhaps I'm just plain lazy.
School went relatively smoothly today, though during the break, I, Naelin and Jit & Co went Queensway to help Guru shop for a pair of street soccer boots. After school, the whole big gang of us just bundled ourselves into Raj house to watch a Hindu movie! Haha. Chips, Soft Drinks and Vodka were all around. I took a sip of Vodka + Sprite combined and immediately felt the heat building up inside. Stopped almost instantly. Was feeling so worried about my whole face going red, as someone else has already done so.
Came home at around 7+. Sat in front of the comp until now. Played FM and got the EURO Cup! Haha. After that I just quit the game and just daze until now. Thoughts inevitably flowed into my mind again. I wish I could put something like a bottleneck around my mind... stop it from processing so much. Making me all moody... Haha. Reminds of the Code Red's song "What Good Is A Heart"... just that now in this case, it is "What Good Is A Mind"? lol. I'm crap.
Just typed "short inspirational stories" into Google out of the blue and to my surprise, quite a number of results immediately sprung up. I'm gonna put one of them in my links page later. Found several interesting short stories that you ppl might/might not have seen before.
I dunno why I still managed to blabber so much when I feel that I have nothing to say, haha. Ok la, really nothing to say le, thats all folks.
"Resigned to reality. I have stopped dead in my tracks. I think I found myself struck off your list."
I won my first major silverware in FM 2006! Haha. Arsenal --> EURO Cup champs 2005/2006 XD
I am a stupid child
Just downloaded the chinese song.. Old song. It's actually a remix by Andy Lau and Jacky Wu, got some dialogue in the middle of the song which is quite funny. Listening to them, makes me wonder, when I grow up to become a middle aged guy, would I have a group of male friends to laugh, cry, sing, chat with me? Haha. Thinking too much already.
Half the world is into Hari Raya le, at this point of time. I will like to take this opportunity again to wish all muslims in the world Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri! =]
Anyway, I shall move on with some thoughts of my own. Recent events have made me pretty tired, disillusioned. FYP, work, stuffs that really drained me... I finally figured out that perhaps I shld just leave everything to destiny or fate. I no longer feel that I have the will to change things or shape my own path to my future. I dun think I have the determination nor the ability to really gave a big shakeup to how my life's gonna be. Perhaps for some people, "When there's a will, there's a way" cliche would be more apt for them, but not me.
I guess I will be neutral in the future, dun get overly panicky and overly agitated with things that doesn't go my way. I believe things would even their way out. I will just do my part and see what comes my way. Haha. Sound pretty hopeless man.
Felt like I had the symptoms as listed in those depression posters posted at some bus shelters. Haha. In the poster, they asked "Feel that life is hopeless all the time?" and then they say "Perhaps you are suffering from Depression." HA! I guess I need to dial the hot-line straightaway.
I have never been too bad in life, but neither am I too good... I'm always snugly fit into the very centre of standards. Always the "Mr Average" among everybody.
I can't sing as well as the pros but I think I could sing better than some.
I had flat foot symptoms but it wasn't as bad as the other flatfoot-ed people. I could still run and do streneous exercise.
I didn't achieve Master Sergeant rank while in NCC, or achieved any post within the setup while I was back in Sec 4, but I did get a 1st sergeant rank.
I didn't score very well among my pri 6 class to go to any of the prestigious SAP school, but I made it into BP, which was referred to in the past as the "RI of the West".
I'm no party animal (never partied in discotheque before) , but neither am I an extreme nerd (I can't study for hours straight).
I'm alright in soccer, cant do stepovers, but yet able to do a telling pass or score the old spectacular goal. (Ok, maybe that was in the past.)
I had only 1 girlfriend before, and even that lasted for just 1 month! Not too many, not too long (duration), not zero, and not too short. (This is a statistic I have been trying to change, and change I did not.)
Even my height. At 1,75m, I'm just an average height SG chap. Nowadays, there are those towers walking about, that I feel a sense of inferiority whenever I brushed shoulders (well at least tried to) with them.
I am just so average that I really dunno what I am really good at. Haha. Someone tell me. I'm feeling so hopeless, so down. Why am I born into this world as Me?
The other day I was in this bus, looking at the window.. suddenly caught sight of 1 small living white organism which is about the size of 1/12 of a sesame street? It was slowly moving up and down the glass window of the bus, and my heart really goes out to the poor chap man. I don't even know if it could see, but it have to go around aimlessly until it finds a reason why it was brought here into this world. Perhaps I am just a enlarged version of that "speck of dust" organism, unsure of why I am here, and what my destiny or aim in life actually is. All I could do is wander about aimlessly, knocking on the 'doors in life'.
Sometimes I wonder, where do we go after we move on into so called "Afterlife"? Do we really actually assume another form of ourselves in another world? Or do we just *poof* into thin air? I remember reading this novel about Death going around the world collecting perfectly balanced souls (equal good & evil) due to the difficulty in determining whether they shld go to Heaven, Hell or even Purgatory? He met this 'client' of his and before dying, that client saw Death has came to pick him, and then he told Death, "I don't believe in Afterlife", after which, when he died, his soul just shattered into many pieces. Death couldn't fathom why he couldn't collect the soul he was sent to collect.
Haha. I read this book alot of years back, but its still as fresh as if it was read just yesterday. From then till now, I been wondering what I should believe in. Continue to think there is life in "Afterlife" after I completed my aim in life and done and dusted with it? Or... I would just cease to exist in any form/shape of life?
Perhaps after saying so much, I probably revealed myself to be very self-centered, or rather very scared of death itself. No doubt, I admit that I am afraid of death, but very few can truly claim that they aren't. But as time and events passed by, I felt galvanised by every single failure I encountered, every single mistakes I made, every single gut feeling I experienced, and slowly and surely I would not be afraid as surely one day, it will be my time to go as well.
With that, I leave u guys with a quote, not of my own but of somebody I nvr really know of before. I wish we could do like he said. Haha. Sorry for spoiling your mood if indeed that was the case. Thanks for reading up till here. It's been a bloody long post. Haha
"He who frights and runs away lives to run away another day." - Bob Shaw
went on a stroll through Xiao Gui Lin... in pictures
Refreshing to stroll through the park. Very scenic, really can help to ease a troubled mind. Haha. I'm just crapping.
Skipped school!~ Wahaha.
Yoyoyoyo!~
I. Skip. Sch. Again.
YAY!!! Haha. I really dunno why I am so slack regarding 8am school days. Oh well, here I am. Haha. Went Viv's house yesterday, and boy, the food and snacks were great! Thanks Viv! Haha.
Thanks for the great tasting snacks! Don't you feel that you're drooling even though it is just a picture? Haha.
Anyway, as I reached Viv's house, I caught sight of the little garden (or yard as some of you might called it) just infront of the house. It was really a little patch but just have that cosy feeling, that you just feel like lie down there on the grass in the middle of it and suntan ur lazy day away.
This picture don't really do justice to how cosy the actual thing actually feels.
Just picture yourself, on a sunny hot afternoon, you take a beach chair or a rubber pool out into that little patch of grass there and just lay there throughout the afternoon. That is heaven man. Wahaha. Dream on, Gab! Or if you are into astronomy and such, you could actually buy a telescope and place there and stargaze at night... or use it to gaze into some neighbour's house for some of you out there. LOL! I won't mention names. Wahaha.
Anyway, I'm impressed by his house, his family and him as a whole. I wish I could have something like his. Sigh. Haha. Time to work hard man.
I will post something again later in the day. I shall dedicate this post to Viv, the Man! Haha.
Signing off,
Gab, the Boy
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)